The Truth Hurts

Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t sugar-coat life. Not for me, not for my kids, and definitely not on this blog.

Sometimes I’m bang-on and offer incredible insight that has people changing their lives in a moment of complete and utter personal revelation (love those times!). And other times, I come off as an assuming jerk making face-value judgments and end up hurting someone (hate those times).

I recently ran into an acquaintance and in a matter of five short minutes, listened to her complain about every awful circumstance in her life followed by a myriad of “reasons” (read: excuses!) as to why she is powerless to change her situation.

Had she been a good friend, I can guarantee you I would have called her out for every single one of those excuses (which is why I have thick-skinned friends!) but seeing as I barely knew her, I simply gave up trying to help her solve her problem and said goodbye…hoping our paths wouldn’t cross again.

“You’re so lucky to be able to leave every morning and have time to hit the gym. I can never get away.”

“Oh, I can’t eat clean — I just don’t have time to cook.”

“If only the kids would give me ten minutes to myself, I’d be doing exercise videos, too.”

“You’re so lucky the boys are in school now! Once mine are in school, I’m definitely going to start working out.”

If you know the content of this blog, then you know that I don’t do well with shallow reasons for why someone can’t make their health a priority.  And I certainly don’t do well hearing someone say that they don’t have time to make the health of their children a priority (because if you don’t have time to cook…what are you feeding your kids?!).

No, I haven’t been in your shoes, but I have been in my own (sometimes) heavy shoes and I’ve seen first-hand how quickly I can sabotage my own happiness and success by accepting the path of least resistance.  It’s so much easier to just come up with some sort of justification to explain away our poor choices rather than actually face them.  And yet with every “reason” comes another complacent decision to just lay down and let life, in all it’s crappiness, roll over you without a fight.

I’ll admit — lately, I’ve been wishing that I could be more gracious. More kind. More compassionate. But shoot, it’s not in my nature to be that way! I love motivating someone to achieve their best but let’s face it, I’m not your encouraging friend that has nothing but nice things to say while wearing a perma-smile.  So although I wanted to write this article with compassion and understanding, the words elude me.  Because I truly believe that excuses are the number one thing sabotaging our goals, our happiness and our successes.

Does life suck sometimes? YES.

Do things happen to us that are simply not fair? YES.

Do we have control over everything? NO.

But it’s not changing anytime soon!  And pretending it will one day is just another escape from reality.  My friend’s wishful thinking of “I’ll work out when the kids go to school” may or may not even pan out for her.  Who knows what can happen from now until then!  You have no guaranteed tomorrow. You only have today. But most importantly, you only have one chance to respond to it.

Make it count!

Domestically Yours,
Natasha Kay

17 thoughts on “The Truth Hurts

  1. Unknown says:

    Get off your high horse you hypocritel! How do you expect to inspire people to change their eating habits despite your excuse that you cannot practise compassion because it’s “in your nature”. Practice what you preach.

    A side note: If you had a job that took up 8hrs a day (or more) then perhaps you would understand where the rest of the world is coming from.

    • Natasha says:

      I’m sorry you felt the need to post anonymously. But like the title says, the truth hurts.

      I don’t claim to be perfect and never have…so there’s no high horse here. Just a determined mindset to never let excuses weigh me down!

      And although we all have our own challenges, working 8+ hours a day is just a hurdle, not a wall. I was working ten hours a day when I lost my first 40 pounds…while also having a marriage, two kids, and a life. So yes, it is possible!

  2. Rebecca says:

    I have 2 kids (age 6 & 9), I’m in school 7-8 hrs everyday, commuting there and back takes over an hr, plus my program is intense so I study about an hour a day and lots on weekends. I make breakfast and lunches every morning and dinners when I get home each night. Healthy living and eating are a high priority for me and my family and I do believe they are attainable. There are a ways to make quick but healthy meals and snacks. I’ll admit we have some less healthy meals like pizza night (homemade sauce and wholegrain crust) or annies organic cheesy noodles. But always veggies at every meal and in lunches. With all this plus groceries and laundry and cleaning and … life. It’s TOUGH, to say the least. But healthy eating and living can simply be a way of life, not necessarily requiring extra time. But I can sympathize with the fact that these lifestyle changes can initially be difficult; especially if we have not seen them modeled. My two cents…for what they are worth.

    • Natasha says:

      I love what you’ve said about healthy eating and living being a “way of life and not necessarily requiring extra time.” This is SO true! People who try to “diet” usually end up failing because it’s all-consuming and defeating. I have found that the people who are most successful in losing weight and keeping it off are the ones who adopt an overall lifestyle change.

      Instead of looking at all the things they “can’t have” or all the exercise they “have to do”, they look at all the yummy, clean food they GET to eat and all the fun, active things they GET to incorporate into their everyday life. Being healthy then becomes a positive instead of the typical negativity that surrounds “losing weight”.

      Parking further away and walking to work, changing grocery shopping habits one at a time, going for family walks instead of family restaurant meals….it all adds up.

  3. timmyd says:

    Everything is a choice – everything.

    You *choose* to have a job that requires eight hours per day. You *choose* to live an hour out of the city and commute to work. You *choose* to spend money on mobile phones and cable television.

    But I promise you that your corporate masters won’t comfort you when you are sick, and that your toys won’t fill your soul when you are old.

  4. Nisha Agi says:

    I hear you Natasha.

    It really stings when you want to share information and encourage people along their fitness path but you come off more as being the ‘judgmental jerk’ than the ‘cheer leader’ you were hoping to be. Im not much of a sugar-coater nor am i good at walking on eggshells. Ive had the tables tuned on me recently, where friends who’ve previously been supportive of my fitness milestones are now seeing the new milestones im hitting, as ‘showing off’ so im learning to just fight my fight quietly (so hard when you still need support) or not associate with those people at all.

    They are the same people who came to me ‘inspired’ by my achievements, for advice. But when i told them of my plan: Get organised, Commit 100%, Train hard, Eat clean and be a woman of your word- that was all too hard and i must be ‘obsessed’. A smile always creeps up on my face when i hear that word, because “Obsessed is a word used by the lazy, to describe the determined”.

    I work full-time, from home, and sometimes late into the night and i made a commitment to my fitness and health. For 3 months (the time i allocated to reach a goal weight) i committed to haul ass & be at the gym at 6am and finish my workout by 7am, to be back home and get 2 kids and a husband fed, dressed and prepped for school & work, so that my workouts wouldn’t compromise my familys life and routine. It can be done.

    One of my favourite quotes: “If its important you’ll find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse”

    • Natasha says:

      Isn’t that the truth!! I find that the fitter I become, the harder it is to find support to reach the next level and one of the reasons people surround themselves with like-minded people (i.e. other “obsessed” people!!).

      That’s why I’m SO thankful for my awesome Fitness Train group of ladies — we are all at completely different levels of fitness and yet everyone is so encouraging of one another. I don’t have to feel like I’m showing off if I talk about the crazy fitness goals I’m accomplishing while someone else is just trying to reach their goal of going for walks twice a week. We all support each other at every level and I think that’s hard to find.

      Love the quote!!

  5. Joel says:

    An Anarchy post from Tim and an eat shit and like it post from Tasha. I think you two just made my day!! 🙂

  6. Judy Crawford says:

    Life is all about choices, bottom line. I knew this before joining Tash’s group. You see I tend to make poor choices in regards to diet and exercises and I am one who desperately needs to get a grip on things. I go in spurts and frankly I’m sick of it. I want to to live a healthy life consistently and like Tash says only I can do this. Right now I have one heck of a toothache so that’s the end of this message…….TeamTash!! ;o)

    • Natasha says:

      Thanks for the thoughts, Judy. The fact that you have been willing to acknowledge your weak areas and then do something to change them, is one of the big reasons you’re seeing personal success! With each change you make, the consistency part gets easier and before you know it, it will be the only way you to know to live. We just keep moving forward and reach out when we need some back-up! 🙂

  7. Natalie B says:

    Well, if there’s one thing you’re not, that’s a hypocrite. I’ve known you long enough to know that you always practice what you preach, and even though you sometimes come off strong (and for the record, I don’t always agree with your views) I’ve always known you to be an open, searching and thinking person, willing to change when you are wrong, but always determined to move ahead.

    • Natasha says:

      Thanks, Natalie. It’s great to have friends that can be strong enough to disagree with you but humble enough to appreciate that none of us have it all figured out! You’re a great friend. 🙂

  8. yanicka says:

    eh just found your blog. I hate excuses. When i ear people complaining, my inner dr phil (I hate the guy) always ask ”And what do you intend to do about it?” I am a single mom, work full time, have a business on the side. Let just say that my life is really full, like everyone else. I train on my lunch hour. I prepare dinner the day before. I am far from perfect, I do not eat as clean as I wished but I do not make excuses.

  9. Jill says:

    I like that you do not sugar coat. Sugar coating is for advil and such. Determined, not obsessive. I hear a lot of people say to me– How do u do it? Meaning eat right and exercise?– and my reply is how could I not?
    Come on people, turn off those telly’s and go for a walk/jog! And eat your greens! 🙂

    Oh and to anyone who says they don’t have time to cook, I say this. I have a lot of time to cook, it’s the clean up that I don’t (wanna) have time for!! 😛

  10. Charis says:

    I agree that we have the choice to respond to things. I am the type that likes hearing the truth even when it’s hard to hear, I appreciate it in my friendships, that being said, you can come off a bit harsh on the blog.(I say this cause I know you can take it) This coming from someone who thinks the things you have accomplished in your life are amazing, for real! I think there is a sugar coating, patronzing way of saying things, which is no no no good (that is NOT compassion, did you know that if you break down that word it literally means “to suffer with” I love that, and every person is called to it) BUT I think there is a way to say the hard things with a maturity and wisdom and mercy, which leaves a person not feeling less than, but now they’ve been presented with a choice to make and they aren’t less than you are for making the choice they make, even when it’s not a great choice.(wow was that bad sentence structure, did it make sense?) I think when we can present something to people and leave them with the feeling that we don’t depise them for their weakness and we also don’t regard them for their strength, it helps them make right choices. This all coming from a person who has lots of growing and maturing to do.
    We’ll all be growing and maturing until the day we die, it never stops. I could write a 10 page blog post on the character growth I’ve been going through this summer, so good for me! Keep at it Tash!(i know you will, I don’t think the words “give up” are in your vocabulary!)

    You’re emails to me when I started excersicing again were so helpful, thank you! I’ve been at it for 2 months solid and can see the muscles in my arms! For real, Stu laughs at me cause I can’t stop flexing! LOL We’re starting a 6 week couples kick boxing class next week. Should be fun!

    • Natasha says:

      “I think there is a way to say the hard things with a maturity and wisdom and mercy…we can present something to people and leave them with the feeling that we don’t despise them for their weakness and we also don’t regard them for their strength”

      Wise words, my friend!

      I’ve always been a “buck up and take it” kinda person but you’ve summed up what my heart has truly wanted to implement in my life for quite a few years now — even if I fail often. Funny thing is, my words for this year are “Grace and Humility”. I guess I’ve still got a ways to go! 🙂

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